The Final Frontier (And Some Unexpected Trouble)

 

"When A Man's Got Money In His Pocket, He Begins To Appreciate Peace" Clint Eastwood.

Dear Readers,

It was a dusty Thursday morning when I found myself at the center of the strangest mission of my life. Life had always been complicated, but today, it had somehow crossed into the ridiculous. I was sitting on the edge of a rusty chair in my old, beat-up garage, thinking about all the mistakes I’d made especially the one where I thought I could just retire and enjoy peace and quiet.

It wasn’t even noon when they came knocking. A young guy, fresh-faced and probably out of his depth, approached with a clipboard. I had to squint just to make out his name tag Agent Smith a name that had me picturing a futuristic, super-soldier type. This was gonna be interesting.

“You’re being recruited for a special mission, Mr. no-last-name-needed,” he said, clearly expecting me to jump up and salute him.

I looked at him like he was speaking a different language. “Kid, if you think I’m gonna get involved in some government nonsense at my age, you’ve got another thing coming.”

But the kid wasn’t giving up that easily. “It’s not just any mission. You’ve been selected for something that only you can handle.”

I raised an eyebrow. “I’ve handled plenty in my time, but this” I motioned around the decrepit garage with the flick of my hand. “This is the extent of my ambitions now.”

The kid took a deep breath. “We need you to join a team of… well, let’s call them retired space cowboys for a mission that’s out of this world.”

Now, I wasn’t one for surprises, but space? Seriously? I wasn’t even sure how to respond. But then again, I wasn’t in the business of saying no anymore. I learned a long time ago that when you say “no,” life throws more problems your way than you can handle. And here, it looked like the universe was calling me out.

I pushed myself up from the chair, creaking and groaning like an old man (which, I guess, wasn’t too far off). “Alright, kid, I’ll bite. But only because I’m getting too old to sit around waiting for my obituary to come in the mail. What’s the job?”

He handed me a small holographic device. A 3D image of an old, battered spaceship appeared, floating in mid-air. It had the charm of a junkyard dog and looked like it hadn't seen a decent meal in years.

“That,” he said, “is our ride. The mission? We’re heading to a rogue planet that’s been well, let’s just say it’s been… overrun with criminal organizations, and we need someone who knows how to handle bad guys.”

I squinted at him. “Kid, I’ve dealt with criminals, but I never signed up for space travel.”

He didn’t back down. “That’s the beauty of it. You don’t have to sign up for anything. You’ve already done the hard part: survived.”

Before I could argue, I heard the sound of revving engines outside. The kid turned and gestured for me to follow.

We walked out, and I couldn’t believe my eyes. There, parked in front of my house, was an old, rusty spacecraft that looked like it had been built by a guy who once worked on Magnum Force’s cars and had never seen a mechanic in his life. I could already tell it was going to be a long ride.

As I climbed aboard, I was introduced to the rest of the team. There was Frank, an ex-NASA engineer who looked like he'd never seen the sun and spoke in cryptic technical jargon. Maggie, a former astronaut with a no-nonsense attitude made me feel like I’d met my match in gruffness. And Tom, an ex-soldier who spent half his time in meditation and the other half making sure no one was about to “steal” his lunch.

We launched off, and I quickly realized this wasn’t going to be your typical smooth ride. The ship rattled and shook, groaning under the pressure of takeoff. As the universe stretched out before us, I couldn’t help but remember Clint Eastwood’s iconic line from Gran Torino “Get off my lawn.” Well, in this case, I was about to tell the universe exactly that.

Two hours into the flight, Frank pointed to the view screen. “We’re almost there. But I’ve got a bad feeling about this.”

I leaned back in my seat, trying to suppress a grin. “Bad feeling? That’s my middle name, kid.”

Suddenly, the ship lurched, and a massive explosion shook us from side to side. Sirens went off, lights flashed red, and the controls blinked out. The kid Smith was panicking, yelling for everyone to hold on.

“You’re gonna have to do this the old-fashioned way,” Maggie shouted, pointing to the control panel.

I stood up, my legs a bit wobbly from the unexpected turbulence, and made my way to the cockpit. “Alright, kid, you’re gonna have to trust me on this one. I’ve dealt with worse.” I gripped the control panel, adjusting the rudder like it was just another car chase.

“Wait, you’ve driven spaceships before?” Frank asked, his eyes wide in disbelief.

I gave him a smirk. “I’ve done things you wouldn’t believe. But this? This is just another Tuesday.”

After what felt like a lifetime of dodging incoming fire and navigating through asteroid fields, we finally landed on the rogue planet. The mission? To take down a criminal syndicate that had taken over the planet’s resources was something that required more than just firepower. It required Clint Eastwood’s level of grit.

We stepped off the ship and found ourselves in a barren wasteland, surrounded by towering rock formations and the stench of decay. And that’s when I heard the unmistakable sound of a heavy vehicle approaching. I had a bad feeling about this.

A gang of heavily armed criminals emerged from the shadows, blocking our path. I couldn’t believe it. They looked like extras from a Magnum Force set, each wearing leather jackets and sporting the same bad attitude. The leader, a hulking brute with a scar over his eye, stepped forward.

“Looks like you’re in the wrong place,” he growled, raising a rifle. “You’ve got two choices: leave, or… leave.”

I took a deep breath and pulled out my old revolver. It had seen better days, but it was still good for one last showdown. “You’re really gonna regret this,” I muttered, channeling my inner Eastwood. “But go ahead, make my day.”

The battle was chaotic, but somehow, I found myself laughing. Every time an enemy came too close, I had a witty remark or a quick move to send them running. By the time the dust settled, the criminals were either on the ground or retreating, their pride shattered like my patience for nonsense.

As we stood victorious, I wiped the sweat off my brow and gave the team a look. “That was easy. Too easy.”

Maggie shook her head, grinning. “You know, you might be onto something. We might need someone like you on the crew full-time.”

I looked out at the wreckage we’d caused and grinned. “Kid, I’m getting too old for this. But I’ve got one more job left in me.”

Frank, Tom, and Maggie all exchanged glances. They had no idea what was coming next, but if there was one thing I knew for sure it was that Clint Eastwood might have been getting older, but he was never out of style. And this was far from over.

The End?

I just Love Clint Eastwood movies been watching too many of them.

"Everybody's Got A Right To Be A Sucker Once." - Clint Eastwood.

Jacob M