My Haircut Disaster...

 

Dear Readers,

It was the peak of the pandemic, and like everyone else, I was stuck at home, bored out of my mind. One day, as I stared at my overgrown hair in the mirror, a brilliant (or so I thought) idea struck me: "Why not give myself a haircut?" I mean, how hard could it be, right? I had seen a couple of YouTube tutorials, and the people in those videos made it look so simple. Armed with a pair of scissors that had probably last cut wrapping paper, I was ready to become my own hairstylist.

I propped my phone up on the sink, played a tutorial titled "Easy Haircut for Beginners," and got to work. The YouTuber was calm and encouraging, with perfect, salon-worthy hair, which should’ve been my first clue this wouldn’t go as planned. "Just make a straight cut," she said, "and don’t worry, you can always fix it." With that misplaced confidence, I snipped away.

It took me less than two minutes to realize I had no idea what I was doing. My hand was shaking, the scissors were blunt, and my bangs...oh, my poor, uneven bangs. They looked like a crooked fence built by someone who failed geometry. I tried to fix them, but every snip just made things worse. Soon, I had two entirely different lengths of bangs and random patches of short hair sticking out like a lawnmower had gone rogue on my head.

At one point, I thought, "Maybe if I squint and tilt my head a little, it’ll look fine?" Spoiler alert: it didn’t. But I was too deep in, so I kept cutting, hoping for some miracle transformation that never came. By the time I finished, I looked like a mix between a mad scientist and a 5-year-old who found a pair of scissors during art class.

Naturally, I had to share my masterpiece. I FaceTimed my friends, expecting a little sympathy, but the second they saw me, they burst out laughing. It wasn’t just a chuckle—it was that deep, can’t-catch-your-breath kind of laughter that makes your stomach hurt. One friend had to set down her phone because she was wheezing so hard. Another asked if I was trying to audition for a punk band, or if I had just lost a bet. I knew it was bad when my friend, who’s usually super polite, flat-out said, "Wow, that’s... something."

For weeks, I had to hide my "creative expression" under hats, beanies, and even a hoodie pulled up way too high. Every time I FaceTimed someone, the first thing they’d ask was, "Are you still hiding under that hat?" It became our favourite inside joke, and whenever someone had a bad day, they'd just say, "Remember when you tried to be a hairstylist?"

Eventually, my hair grew out, and I was able to get a proper cut, but that experience will live on forever. If there’s one thing I learned, it’s this: some skills are better left to the professionals. Oh, and never trust a YouTuber who says, "Don’t worry, you can always fix it."

God Save Us All

Jacob M